Hi.

These blog posts are coming less frequent. I'm spending alot of time at Adams and trying to avoid spending time alone. Or perhaps it is because i'm trying to avoid logging onto a computer and wasting electricity. I worry too much. Seriously. I was upset on Saturday to find out that the World leaders hadn't reached an agreement in Copanhagen, since they're too stubborn to put their differences aside! It makes me wonder what's next .. it upsets me that I cannot see into the future so I can reassure myself that everythings going to be okay. I go through phases when I feel defeated and I have a defeatist attitude, which is no way to be. But then I go through stages when I feel like there is no way that world leaders will refuse to help? I feel guilty doing most things, because it's the foundation of our lives that are causing the problem. Our lifestyle needs to change. I'm avoiding turning on the news because I can't afford to make myself ill again. It's a horrible state of mind and I don't want to bring anyone down with me, so I don't really talk about it. I panic whenever theres a rainy day incase I wake up one morning and everything has flooded, and villages and cities cease to exist. I don't really know what else I can do. I use very little electricity and don't drive .. I walk and take the bus wherever I can. I'm trying to get people on board but people just don't seem to be interested. Things that used to excite me just don't anymore. My new years resolution isn't about me, it's about trying to make things better for everyone .. having a resolution like: "To lose weight." or something like that, just feels wrong to me. I'm not knocking people who do have goals that involve just themselves, but I feel as though people are more concerned for themselves than everyone. It's like everyone is in a bubble, and just shut on when it comes to sacrafising things for the good of others. Would it kill people to walk or take the bus? Or spend time with the family in one room so that not every light and electrical appliance in the house is left on? Or even just switch things off after they've used them?! That's the thing, I get bulked down with things like that, but I can't change the world overnight. What is the point in me going to university when i'm going to be constantly panicking over the consequences of travelling to Bournemouth every week? I'd rather just stay here and work on making this world a better place for everyone..

I was walking to the bus stop from Adams this morning and I could see people with their lights on in their front rooms, at 11am. What's the point in having the sun there when you just use electricity? It's completely pointless? I think the Governement should create restrictions on the amount of electricity used every week, and the amount of miles you do on your car a week, and that you cannot go over. I think that would help limit it, because people will be more cautious on the amount of electricity they use. When I move into my own place, i'm going to install a water meter, which gives you a restricted amount of water to use each week or month. It'll save people money, and obviously they will moan .. but they'll be thankful when they finally realise what we have done to help. People need to learn to be less selfish. Less lazy. I'd happily sacrafice a holiday abroad if it meant that I didn't contribute to climate change. I'd feel guilty going anywhere that involves stepping on a plane. It's not as if it would last forever. People invented electricity and cars, and now people must challenge themselves to create things that are useful to everyone and do not harm the environment. It can be done, it's just that people are so set in their ways that they refuse to change. I welcome any new invention/development that proves to be better for the environment. I don't care if I look like an idiot to my friends and family. I'll feel better about myself knowing that I wasn't one of the worst ones, who would be saying to themselves "I should have done more.". I need to relax now I think. I have a feeling i'm making myself ill again .. great.

Longg time ..

It's actually been ages since I posted something .. but to be honest i've had a rough few weeks in regards to stress levels. I don't really want to go into it, as it's bummed me out too much already .. but i'm such a worrier and I basically worry about things that are unknown and are out of my control and it annoys me. It's since i've been in London, when I spent alot of time by myself and with my thoughts .. was both the best and worst trip ever in that respect. However, "Yesturday is history, tomorrows a mystery and todays a gift. " :) Take each day as it comes and be thankful. Thats the quote I need to begin to live buy because otherwise i'll waste time worrying about things and missing out on everything good that's happening to me!

Well .. yesturday was my 18th birthday!! But the celebrations began on friday when mine and Adam's families went out to Prezzo for a lovely meal! We were both really nervous at first just incase our families didn't get on as well as we did, but thankfully they had a great time. Spent TOO MUCH money, but my mum said I was worth every penny :) And I also got two early birthday presents: Two tickets (Me and Adam) to go see Footloose at a theatre in Bournemouth in February, and my mum and Vinnie bought us a night in a nice hotel for after :) So the birthday celebrations sort of carry on until then!! And I also got to blow out the candle on my cake, and pretend it was my birthday! Didn't get really drunk but had enough drinks to feel tired and want to go to sleep :P But before then, my mum gave me my main present from my mum and dad .. A MacBook Pro laptop :D The great thing about it is that it's 'green' (That's what I've been worrying about basically..), meaning that it doesn't take as long to charge, turns itself off completely instead of going to sleep when un-used, made out of recycled materials and doesn't realise Murcury :D Yaaaay, so I don't feel guilty when using it. Which is always a good thing!

And on Saturday it was mine and Adams six month anniversary, so we went to Nando's after I finished work and ate loads of food (well I did!). It was nice to go out because we've been saving money for christmas so we've sat in a lot, which has been loads of fun anyway! Just shows you don't need to spend lots of money to have fun! Then .. on the sunday it was my birthdayy!

I ended up with around £100 from friends and family, and I'm currently surrounded by a desk of really colourful cards. I also got a pair of Ugg boots from Adam (which are amazinggggg!! I've wanted a pair for ages!), and a 8g memory card for my camera. He also bought me an Apple mouse for my laptop so I can do my work on photoshop without using the touchpad. I then went to London with my him, my dad and sisters :) We went to Harrods, then to Hyde Park to visit Winter Wonderland :) It was expensive there, but we had a great time!! We got home at about half 5, and me and Adam slowly started getting ready for a meal with my friends :) Was a really good night, and even though a few people cancelled on me .. everyone I loved was there! Got a few surprise presents :P and had a few drinks, good food and took lots of photos. All in all it was a really good day!! Now my pay goes up, I can vote, drink, buy cigarettes (Yay? :|) but I have to pay tax. Devostatingggg. Oh well :)

I've got Paramore on friday with Adam, Jess, Gemma and Matt which should be great :D Going to take a while to get there, so i'm missing a day off college meaning that I miss out on EMA. So because of that, i've decided to have a lay in (seeing as i'm ahead in my lessons atm) and i'm going to go in at midday for the radio meeting.

Being the presenter for my college radio station is really great! I've messed up a few times, but I know i'm improving. Then i'm walking to town (I walk and bus everywhere now, I would choose to walk but the bus is going to be driven whether or not i'm on it .. and works out better if everyone takes the bus as appose to about 60 cars) to get the start of Adam's present seeing as I have the money now! Then i'm off to Adams for the night :) I like spending the night at Adam's, it's a nice change of atmosphere. I may walk there, depending on how tired or cold I am .. because it's apparently freezing outside. I don't care how cold it is though, I love wintertime :) Right, I promised myself that I would clean my room before I go and shower for the day ahead, so I suppose I should .. otherwise i'll be sleeping in a basic pigsty when I get home tomorrow!

Now i've got my own laptop i'll be able to write in more now, which is good because I like writing my thoughts down .. theraputic :)

Oh yeah .. i've got offers from Portsmouth and Southampton Solent universities .. and I've heard nothing from Bournemouth .. and nothing ∫at all∫ from Westminster, not even an email saying that they've recieved my application. So now i'm just checking my emails on the regular (or iregular .. more like every hour!) to see if they've replied!! How sad am I?!

Bye :) x